a fabulous idea to steal...

okay, so you want to make a change to your boring room.  or maybe you want to lighten up for the summer, you can put away your heavy throws for now.  perhaps you want to experiment with a new color scheme.  or perhaps you'd like to experiment with texture or pattern.  you don't need to spend a fortune on new things. how about adding some beautiful fabric?  a scarf - thrown over a chair, draped over a lamp or even the sofa - can add a shot of color and romance.

i use scarves to help satisfy my addiction to textiles, and particularly love shimmery, gossamer ones.  here's a beautiful scarf that would do the trick.  in one of my favorite color schemes at the moment:  pink and gold (see post below).  this would even make a beautiful table runner on a romantic evening.  or if you are feeling particularly frisky, how about greeting your man at the door wrapped in this silky fabric - wearing nothing else!  oooh la la!  the possibilities are endless!  great style does not have to cost a lot.  just remember to have fun.  image via alamodern.

as always, please contact me if you make an etsy purchase due to reading this post.  i love to make sure artists are properly credited.  thanks for reading!  have a fabulous day. xo

bittersweet weekend

happy monday dear readers!   what a powerful, profound weekend it was.  it felt like summer, and there were proms, and graduations!  so many grown ups appeared before my eyes that were babies i had thrown in the air - just yesterday.  how did that happen?  i alternated between feeling winsome, giddy, childlike and old and sentimental.  i even had a little regret for my past!  our dresses were no where near as cute in my day.  i wore an ugly dress and had an awful dud of a blind date for my prom!  he wouldn't even dance.  had a horrible time.  i was in awe how many young people went to the prom sans date.  wow!  wish i'd had the courage to do that!  it just wasn't done in my day, but i would've had a much better time going in a group of friends.  so glad the young ladies don't feel that ridiculous pressure any longer.

oops - i digress, this is not about my prom.  this is about the prom of some of my loved ones.  i was fortunate to attend two photo sessions this weekend!  what fun!  i love all these young people.  so much smarter than we were.  i have a feeling they will change the world for the better and not do the stupid shit we did.  oops there i go again - let's have some fun.

i was in awe how adorable every one looked.  from hair, to makeup, nails and dresses!   here is a pic of my niece's 'do.  believe it or not - that's all her own hair!  she's always had the most enviable thick, full head of hair.

the ink is new and was a tad shocking.  but hey, every one's got ink any more.  i'm one of the odd ones who doesn't.  she looked fabulous.  the theme of the prom was Cinderella, which is a coincidence because that's my brother's nickname for her.  she's a fabulous young woman, wise beyond her years.

image by my sister-in-law

her dress was gorgeous!  shimmery cobalt blue and purple with glitter and a hoop skirt!  indeed, she looked  like Cinderella.  and the fabulous nails!  i am in awe of the artistry.

her BFF also looked fabulous.  she wore a shimmery yellow.  and dig her nails!  fab.

image by my nephew's date

my nephew is a junior, attended the prom for the first time.  here is how he asked his date to the prom.  he asked her if she wanted an altoid mint, handed her the tin.  when she opened the tin, this mint was on top. so romantic!  just like his dad.  my brother and sister-in-law met at dunkin' donuts.  they've been married close to 25 years and to this day i think about them when i pass a dunkin' donuts.

my nephew's date is a lovely young lady.  she wore gold with pops of red.  i loved her dress, shoes, earrings, hair and nails!  she's fabulous!

shoe shot of my nephew's group of friends!  i love shoe shots!  and, yes, one of the young ladies wore cowboy boots.  she was the only one not struggling to walk on heels, lol.  a girl after my own heart!  my nephew went to the prom a 16 year old, and returned a 17 year old.  yesterday was his birthday.  i love you...

we've called him boo his whole life.  he's a fine young man.  i'm so proud of him.

there was also grief in my weekend, as you know, it was the anniversary of my other brother's son's passing (see post below). again i experienced the whole gamut of emotions.  seems to be my modus operandi lately.  i also had friends with kids who graduated from college this weekend.  i am so proud of one of my best friends. she overcame the hardship of single motherhood to put her kid through college.  it was a bittersweet day for her.

i hope i am not repeating myself, but i finally understand what Rilke meant.  in one of his poems he used this phrase:  "as painful as boys becoming men."  wow.  i get it.  i guess i'm an experiential learner.  i am now wrestling with my emotions toward another nephew.  he's a teenager.  and popular. just yesterday he was a baby who never left my side, and thought every thing i did and said was fabulous. he used to hide my shoes and pull on my leg when i wanted to leave.  i couldn't even go to the bathroom.

now he barely says hello.  all i can do is let him have space, remind him i love him - when i can - be careful not to embarrass him.  all i can do is hope i've done the right thing and that when he needs me he will return to me.  the love is almost unbearable, i look at him (and my brothers and other nephews and nieces), and get a lump in my throat.  i hope they know how much i love them.

amongst all this happiness, i also grieved the loss of my nephew Nick, who would have been graduating from college as well. i now realize there is something more painful than boys becoming men.  boys NOT becoming men. just a not-so-subtle reminder to never take your children for granted.  sorry for the preaching.  i am a sentimental mess today.  enjoy your day dear readers!  xo

note:  all images by peggy (except where noted).  no images may be reproduced or copied without the express permission of the editor of creative influences.

i see your name every where...

this post is dedicated to my nephew, nick.  i miss you so much.

today is a difficult day for my family.  particularly for by my brother.  nine years ago today, we lost our angel, nick to leukemia, he was only 12.  much, much too soon.  it remains a fresh scar in my brother's heart, honestly i don't know how my brother does what he does.  he is one of the strongest men i know (the other strong man is my other brother).  my big bro has taught me so much and been my protector my whole life.

i have struggled with guilt over not being there enough for my sweet nephew.  big bro reminds me that nick spent about five years of his short life in the hospital.  oh yeah right, i was also caught up in the insanity of corporate america.  i hope someone reads this and decides not to make the choices i did.  yes, kids grow up too quickly......but god forbid...sometimes they don't grow up.  big bro was with him every step of the way, cleaning up puke, making him laugh, loving him......either of us would have taken his place if we could.  the loss of a child is more than any human should ever have to bear.  for me it challenges every faith and philosophy that i hold dear.  i cannot make any sense of it.  except for maybe the song, "only the good die young."  but that doesn't even work for me.  i miss him.  i didn't have much time with him.  but those times i did have with him were nothing short of profound.  he was a wise soul.  indeed, an angel.  

to parents who have struggled with that which should not be struggled with, try this:  write down everything your angel said to you.  you will find every word is profound.  i now believe after much gut wrenching prayer and meditation, this:  the shorter the life, the more important the message.  my nephew was a sage, who taught me so much and was instrumental in melting my icy heart.

i feel nick every where.  i see his name every where.  when he passed i was sitting on the sofa in my apartment, alone.  i felt a chill on my right side and was instantly comforted.  i knew it was nick.  i said, "nick, shouldn't you be with george?"  i heard him clearly - he said, "there is enough to go around."  there is enough to go around.  there is enough to go around.  i get chills to this day.  that is a lesson we could all learn.  it applies to so many situations.

i know it sounds crazy, but i feel him all the time.  and i see his name everywhere.  what does this have to do with the humble flower pot above?  once i was at target admiring flower pots.  particularly thrilled to see the vietnamese pots, which were rather new to the country at the time.  (see previous post here).  i couldn't decide which vase to buy.  i stood before the pots, in a daze.  kind of dreamily staring.  nick popped into my head, always a pleasant experience.  i picked up this beautiful pot and looked at the bottom.  the name of the manufacturer was Nikki.  i got chills, no brainer.  thanks for making my decision for me, nick.  this pot went home with me and is now my favorite possession.

another time i was getting off the bus after a long hard day.  i was miserable and hot.  it was july 1.  ahh, it was nick's birthday.  how old would he be?  i was angry with myself because i was too tired to do the math in my head, dammit.  i was mad at god, nick would be such a fine man.  i walked toward my apartment and spied my car in the distance.  oh shit!  there is something neon yellow on my windshield.  a ticket?!!!  for what?  in a huff, i went to grab the ticket and my anger was immediately diffused.  it was a pamphlet.  from a place called Nick's Diner.  i shit you not.  i stood there in chills and awe.  he was with me again, and he reminded me that all the stupid shit i worry about doesn't matter.  thank you nick.

a pic of the sidewalk by my previous apartment.  like i said, i see your name everywhere....

and miss you so much.

here is a bittersweet photo of nick and i.  sorry for the poor quality. (pre-digital, if i can get a better scan, i will update).  this is about 10 years ago, i believe near his birthday in july.  we were celebrating his remission.  by september he was in full blown relapse and spent most of the short time he had left in the hospital.  his courage never ceased to amaze me.  i could not have gone through what he did.  he was a trooper and so talented.  i think he would've been an actor had he grown to adulthood.  he was also a skilled poet/writer and rapper and so, so funny.  nick, i thank you for the lessons, thank you for always being with me and i miss you so much.

i know my big bro does too.  if you'd like to see a couple of pics of my big bro, click here and here.

all images by peggy

Fabulous Green Haired Lady Making Spectacles

this post is lovingly dedicated to my fabulous nieces, maggie and abbey...

today the stress was inordinate.  honestly, i'm worn out from the struggle.  i decided to unplug, and walk.  i prayed, remembering to breathe.  hugged trees and remembered that i am god's conduit.  my goal in life is to love unconditionally, without judgment.  you know, dear readers, approaching the brink and having nothing can actually be a gift.  there is nothing that can be taken from me.  i am no longer afraid, indeed can no longer afford the luxury of silent complacency.  and if i can save even one person from the stinging indignity that i have suffered, i can rest easy.  feel free to send prayer requests.  if you are: an abused woman; being crushed by the weight of sallie mae or social security; or any other social injustice feel free to contact me.  my inbox is filling up quickly these days - and i am grateful for that.  it may take me some time to get back to you, but i will do my best.

okay, now to hell with all the pithy whining and moaning.  let's have some fun.  that's right, i want to change the world, but i want to do it with grace, beauty, humor and kindness.  i'd like to introduce a fabulous woman i recently discovered on one of my favorite blogs, doe deere blogazine.  doe's blog is addicting and  empowering.  my favorite:  feminine with an edge. and unapologetically so.  it's all i can do not to post every picture, i can't get enough.  doe is too too fab. if you are down, feeling misunderstood, excluded or geeky, remember at all times that you are fabulous, and check out doe's blog.  doe reminds us to honor our eccentricity at all times.  her blog is like therapy and tons of guilt-free fun!

meet the lovely, fabulous and multi-talented model, natasha lillipore.  as you can see the girl rocks green hair!

she's so fabulous, i had trouble selecting only a couple images.  not only is she gorgeous, but she's a talented business woman. she is the owner/artisan of the shop her tiny teeth.  natasha sells one-of-a-kind spectacles that she has lovingly made by hand. i need several pairs!  i'm going to contact her to see if i can get frames without lenses, so i can put prescription lenses in them. oh gosh, not sure how i would choose which ones!  i may need several.  if you like what you see, you better contact her soon, i have a feeling she's going to get so busy she's going to need to hire an assistant (if she already hasn't).  natasha, you go girl!  thanks for being an inspiration.

and dear readers remember, i am fabulous and so are you!  xo

Fabulous Color Scheme: Pink and Gold!

if you are a long time reader, you already know of my love of metallics.  especially silver. and, it goes without saying that it looks great with pink.  everything looks great with pink.  lately, i've taken a second look at gold. i've been seeing it every where, and i must admit i love it!  pink and gold are a great combination, can be masculine or feminine.  gold provides just the right amount of edge to calm down the sweetness of pink.

this pillow is what started the obsession.  isn't it fabulous!  it's soft and sophisticated, but graphic too.  i think i need this pillow in my life. (i can't remember where i got this image, maybe etsy? my bad. i will experiment with google images to see if i can find this.)  the room below is very feminine, maybe a tad too sweet.  this pillow would look great in this room by providing just the right amount of graphic punch.

as you know, i'm not usually a wallpaper fan, but I do love the softness of this room.  and the gold lamp - well - fabulous.  just what this - almost too frilly - room needed.  image via house to home.

i've showed you this apartment many times.  it is still one of my favs.  love the use of outdoor furniture.  soft simple, not too girly.  dig that saarinen coffee table.  and those pillows.  i need them.  if i were to do wallpaper, this is how i would do it - a panel.  hmm.  i have an idea......this is the apartment of the fabulous caroline quartermaine.  see previous posts of ms. quartermaine's apartment here.

oh man.  drool.  gold sofa.  check.  pink and purple pillows.  check.  hanging bubble chair.  double check.  a fab sitting/waiting room out side a fab home office.  image  angelita bonetti via desire to inspire.

i've shown this gorgeous image before.  dig that painting.  dig that hanging light.  i think i need those (in addition to the pillow above).  this room is, of course, designed by the fabulous Kelly Wearstler.

not wallpaper - but painted!  how fabulous is that?  i'd never have the patience.  love the modern white desk juxtaposed with the chair.  a lovely, modern glam office.  it'd be great fun to watch how the wall looks with the changing sunlight.  really dig that chandelier too.  having severe office envy!  image shalyn's paint it gold workspace via apartment therapy.

some people are just so darn skillful at vignetting.  i'm a little worried - i am becoming attracted to kitschy items, like the glove mold above. as you know, it's a constant balance. a love of objects, and a love of sparseness.  i had an opportunity recently to buy some over sized, vintage glove molds - the kind they used to make outdoor and fishing gloves. on the cheap.  i am kicking myself now.  i wish i had bought one.  i love it used as sculpture. oh well, i'm trying to keep my hoard to a manageable level, and i'm still a lover of simplicity.

that's what i love so about the room above.  it's simple, got vintage elements, graphic elements - dig the big 16.  simple touch of pink and gold in the candle.  and look at those pillows.  hot damn.  i need those.  can you believe this talented girl made them out of insulation!  she needs to open an etsy shop.  image my attic (a fabulous blog, if you haven't done so, do check it out).

i love this room!  this is another home i've showed you a number of times, but different rooms (i'm going to try to contact fab lady to see if she will do home tour for me, i believe she is a curator from the UK, i will update when i find out).  just how fabulous does this sofa look with those pink walls?  too fabulous, that's how.  metallic sheen from the pillows.  check.  and lovely lady in royal blue dress and shoes, check. yeah, you know what it is.  image via house to home.

don't worry if you are afraid to add a little pink and gold bling to your home.  you can always experiment with one small piece.  here's a great example.  cute tiny bowl from upintheairsomewhere.

remember to always have fun with your decor.  there's no such thing as a mistake. and, as always, please contact me if you make an etsy purchase due to reading this post.  i love to make sure artists are properly credited.  thanks for reading!  have a fabulous day. xo

Blog Love: The All in the Family Edition

happy monday dear readers!  hope you had a great mothers' day!  i find mothers' day difficult, but this year was different.  i used a mantra:  WWBD?  and WWJD?  i.e., what would buddha do?  what would jesus do?  it worked.  i was my fabulously funny self.  a good time was had by all.  whew hew...high road for me every time! 

i looked at mothers' day differently this year.  as a celebration of women.  mothers, grandmothers, aunts, mothers of furry children, mothers-to-be, etc.  no longer did i feel excluded from this great day.  it is in that vein, that i'd like to continue my celebration of women today, with a very special edition of blog love.  the all in the family edition!  grab your cup of coffee, this is a fun one!  i'd like to introduce (or re-introduce as the case may be, 'cause i think every one knows these fab ladies) some of my favorite bloggers from Ottawa!  each extraordinarily creative, funny and beautiful in their own way.  kim, jen and julia. (respective links will be at the bottom of this post)

meet the fabulous kim.  as you know, kim and i have been friends from the early days of blogging.  i believe she and i first met when i discovered apartment therapy.  i never lurked!  i dove right in even though i had no clue what i was doing.  i didn't even know what a blog was at the time.  i believe i first met kim when we entered the annual color contest at AT, and found each other on flickr.  as you know, i am not using flickr as much as i did in the past, but i still love it (for details see my post on social media below).  

kim is one of those people you like immediately.  she's spunky, so damn cute and courageous.  she adores cats and even though has a large brood, is always adopting and rescuing cats.  and she's a fabulous decorator/designer!  i love watching kim's style evolve.  one of the things i like most about kim's decorating is that even when something is temporary, it's gotta be gorgeous!  i so get this.  i mean you gotta have beauty, even if you are planning a renovation.  renovations take a long time and are muy expensivo.  i don't know how married couples survive them.  i'd have to move into an apartment.  i've watched kim move, renovate, and do quick pretty fixes and i believe there is another huge renovation in the works.  i've watched kim go from using tons of color (like i do).  she loves pink (as i do) and had a pink kitchen for a time.  i am amazed at the speed at which she can paint!  her husband and she are a great team.  he's a great builder.  her style now is rather neutral/ethnic/organic/industrial/rustic chic.  not eclectic, but collected.  it's very very cool.  i also appreciate how she incorporated masculinity when she got married.

kim writes desire to inspire with jo, another fabulous lady.  jo is from australia, and they have never met face to face, although they are the best of friends.  desire to inspire is one of my favorites, i read it everyday!  and i owe a debt of gratitude to DTI.  according to google analytics, the bulk of my traffic comes from DTI.  thanks for linking to me ladies back in the day when no one would!  also, as i stated below, DTI is mega huge, but never made me feel excluded or like crap.  even when i criticized animal skin rugs.  kim appreciates all comments - even negative - as long as you have the courage to own your comment.  don't go negative if you are anonymous.  i think that's a good rule of thumb for commenting any way.

kim writes a fabulous blog with her sister jen called closet rivalry.  it's one of my favorite fashion blogs, and on my daily read list.  kim has a high power very technical job.  i'm a little envious of her programming skills but too lazy to learn.  hey we each have our respective strengths, right?  honestly, i don't know how she does what she does, but i am so glad she does it!  and with such flare!  kim told me in the early days that blogging is A LOT of work.  girl, you ain't lying.  i can easily be at the computer 24/7, but i force myself to unplug from time to time, in an effort to maintain balance.

i adore seeing what kim wears to work each day.  kim can never be accused of being lazy.  she is meticulous with her appearance.  and it's just the right amount of feminine with an edge.  my favorite.  kim and i have been having a ball talking about hair.  i dearly miss my eye makeup, but with kim's encouragement, i have found other ways to be girly. you're never too fat, too old or too anything.  it's fun to be a girl!  and you never need to be jealous, we are each fabulous in our own way.  as you can see, kim has found her unique voice and the world is a better place for her having shared it.  ain't technology grand?

i particularly adore the pic above.  love the alley.  love the juxtaposition of concrete and kim's lovely outfit.  love the vents behind her which mimic the stripe motif.  i also was tickled 'cause i had an outfit like this back in my corporate america days.  i don't think i looked this cute, but hey, we are all fab in our way, right?

i really got a kick out of this pic.  i had these exact shoes (in a cheap payless version).  i adore the black nail polish!  it's only recently i worked up the courage to wear black nail polish.  it looks totally fab with these shoes, and again provides just the right amount of edge.

here's kim in the alley, again looking fab-u-lous!  i love that she's including pics in the alley.  so edgy.  this is one of my favorite looks, ripped up jeans dressed up.  this is the sort of thing i used to wear in college, but we did it on the cheap.  i'd get jeans from the goodwill, rip them up and hand paint them.  people always wanted to buy them.  and dig those shoes.  omigosh.  kim, i neeeed those.  keep up the alley shots girl!

there are so many pics of kim's that i could share, but you probably already follow kim.  if you don't you'll want to.  here is a recent pic from her kitchen.  very different from my own style, except that kim and I both enjoy white pottery.  i adore how kim has styled this shot and have it in my inspiration folder.  i'm not so skilled at vignetting and tend to do very clean and simple.  kim has managed to stay clean and simple, with more objects than i tend to use.  also, i dearly love the organic and earthy touches.  i wish kim and i lived close to each other so we can go thrifting and play makeup and hair.  kim, you are fabulous, you go girl!

next, meet jen.  i believe she is the younger sister of kim and julia's.  she is also a cutie.  apparently, good hair, skin, teeth and legs run in the family (their mother is also gorgeous).  as i mentioned above, kim and jen write closet rivalry together.  jen has what i think is the most difficult job in the world - she's a stay at home mom.  her daughter is too cute, so you get to see pics of jen with her and they are delightful!  jen is a natural beauty, and has a cute, simple style.  i am always amazed, i'd probably look like something the cat dragged in if i had to care for a toddler.  not jenn, she always looks fab.

an exciting bonus is that jen is pregnant with her second child!  and guess what?  she's cute as a button even preggers.  oh btw, jen - kim kardashian called.  she wants to know what she should wear tonight.  kim kardashian is another fabulous woman, but she's got nothin' on jen.  it's also been great fun talking hair with jen.  i love a girl who can talk hair.

furry children are a big part of the sisters' lives.  i think jen looks absolutely adorable in this pic.  wait hold on...what's that kim kardashian?  oh jen, kim says can she borrow that dress tonight?   p.s. jen, can we see some pics of your home?  thanks love, you are fabulous.

next meet julia.  kim's twin sister.  she is also fabulous.

she writes a blog called the boo and the boy.  it's a delightful blog.  i've linked to it many times on this blog.  julia also has great style, i loved her recent bedroom renovation.  i've cried with julia and prayed for her husband many times due to his illness.  and i am watching her kids grow like weeds!  julia shares some of the things they say, and they are wise and hilarious!  and even though i'm not much into kids' decor, julia shares some kids' rooms that i enjoy and have found inspirational.  i swear i would buy stuff from pottery barn kids for me!  julia can talk hair too, and changes her hair a lot.  i love when she died it bleach blonde.  p.s. julia, i call my nephew boo!

as you can see julia is a hot mama too.  like i said, the good looks run in the family.  i believe - if i am not mistaken - that they also have an older sister.  i must ask kim if she has a blog.  (update:  received email from kim, no other sisters.  i probably got confused but didn't want to leave any one out!)

who needs reality shows when you have fabulous blogs like these to read?  i often find (extra)ordinary women so much more interesting than celebrities.  ladies, i feel like you are my friends.  thanks for always being a source of joy and inspiration.  i hope you all enjoyed your mothers' day.  and always remember, i am fabulous and so are you.  

want more fabulousness?  here's the links!  xo

Desire to Inspire

Closet Rivalry

the boo and the boy

Happy Hot Mamas' Day

happy mothers' day to all the hot mamas, aunts, grandmothers, shoot. i'm renaming this holiday to:  "happy  hot mamas' day!"  women are such amazing, complex beings. capable of multi-tasking that seems impossible.

and just 'cause you're a mom doesn't mean that you are not fabulous.  we are all fabulous, in our own way.   image source unknown. 

and speaking of a fabulous woman, there's my sister-in-law. if you've been a long time reader, you know that i write about her frequently.  often referred to as SNL.  here she is being her usual fabulous self.  not only is she a powerful business woman, with a demanding job and a seasoned traveler - she is a mother of two geniuses, has a lovely home and a fabulous husband. oh yeah - and she's a marathon runner.  it doesn't seem physically possible to balance all she does.  and she always looks good doing it!  you go girl!

yesterday she ran a stiletto race in akron.  hilarious!  to see the newspaper article (which includes video!) click here.  to see a previous post about a promotion she received, click here.  SNL has taught me a lot of lessons.  one of which i will be repeating here over and over.  we are all fabulous in our own way.  just because someone else is fabulous, does not diminish your own fabulousness.  isn't that wonderful?  that means we never have to deal with that soul sucking emotion called jealousy.  so freeing!

 i just had to show you the trophies!  aren't they - ahem - fabulous!

lastly, since i promised. here is a photo of me.  this is a few years old, and my hair is much longer now.  i am not a biological mother, but i am mother/grand mother to many, including nephews, nieces, cousins and to my adopted daughter, Haley, who i wrote about below.  i hope to adopt a furry four-legged child in the near future. she will, of course, come from a rescue facility.  please note that my eyes are not closed.  this is one of the unfortunate symptoms of the rare illness that plagues me (we'll talk more about this later). my eyes swell. this is actually a good day. sometimes i have a pity party, because i dearly love and miss eye makeup.  i told ya, i'm old and fat.  but guess what?  i'm still a girl, and i still find ways to enjoy girly stuff.  so, in other words, i am still fabulous.  and so are you.  happy day to fabulous women all over the planet!  xo

Social Media Updates and a New Direction

Hello dear readers!  Hope you are doing well, I've missed you!  Thank you for all the kind emails I've received.  If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have been suffering with a strange and rare illness for about four years.  last week I experienced an inordinate amount of stress, more stress than a human should have to go through.  honestly sometimes i think god trusts me too much, lol.  i had a particularly bad flare up and thought it was my time to check out.  thankfully, I made it with the loving care of my family.  i'm not ready to go, i still have so much to do.  i am so grateful i have so many people who love me, i wouldn't be here if it weren't for them.  i worry that i'm not worthy.  i worry about overburdening or overwhelming them, they (like everyone these days) are leading busy lives.  they have their own crap to deal with.

but this isn't a post about illness.  i'm trying to remain positive.  it's true what they say about positive thought.  it works!  i have acopula exciting announcements and a few changes in how i'm going to use social media.

1.  i am writing a book!  yes, indeed. this is one of my lifelong goals!  it is the story of my life, and i am not holding anything back.  there will be laughs and tears.  i am excited that i will be working with my dear friend, Haley Litzenger, who will be my editor.  

2.  you will be seeing pictures of me on this blog!  i have a confession to make.  i am old and fat.  but Haley has convinced me that i am fabulous.  it's true.  each of us are fabulous in our own way.  we are each unique, and isn't that a miracle?  god don't make no junk.

3.  i am experimenting with typing in lower case!  the reasons for this are as follows. in some languages the use of the pronoun "I" is not capitalized and it is actually seen as arrogance. using lower case reminds a body to remain humble.  though i am fabulous, i'd like to remain humble.  two, i've gotten extremely busy and unable to keep up with twitter, facebook, blog, emails, etc.  typing in this fashion helps speed up the process for me. three, one of my favorite daily reads, sfgirlbybay, uses lowercase. i've long experimented with lowercase in creative writing classes, before i ever read her blog. however, when i read her blog it confirmed for me that i like it.  Victoria is just the right amount of fab, edgy, sweet, bohemian girl with humility.  i always leave her blog feeling happy.

4.  i will be reorganizing the blog a little!  over the next coupla days i will be making little cosmetic changes, updating links, etc.  this is my least favorite part of blogging, the mechanics, so i tend to procrastinate. also there's a pesky little thing called....time.  there's never enough of it.  i've thought many times over the years of quitting blogging. but somehow, every time i think about quitting, i get a kind comment or email and i am enthused all over again.  ain't the cosmos grand?

a thought occurred to me when reading another of my favorite blogs, My Mod Style.  i have been following the fabulous Jessie  for so long i feel as if she is my friend.  at first i felt terrified when i started seeing bloggers who got mega huge. they started meeting each other and attending conferences. i felt inadequate, excluded. yet, i adore my autonomy and anonymity.  i made a decision, if a blog makes me feel bad, i stop reading it and won't link to it.

also, i'm too friggin' lazy to learn HTML. it's been kicking my butt for a long time. Jessie has been kind enough to help me with that, but she's getting busy too and will soon need to require payment for her services.  btw - you must check out Jessie's vlogs.  they and she are fabulous.  i realized you don't wait until you are fabulous to do a personal post.  doing the post helps you gain the confidence to become (even more) fabulous.  we are all fabulous to begin with.

Erin at Design for Mankind helped me see that as well.  she posted vlogs of herself dancing, saying that she couldn't dance.  i marveled at her courageousness!  and i adored her!  i find her absolutely - ahem - well, fabulous.

Kim, of desire to inspire, has also taught me a great deal.  DTI is a mega huge blog, and i never feel like crap after reading it.  i like that Kim and Jo are spunky, and have the back bone to engage in difficult convos as long as you take ownership of your comments.  poor Kim has accepted my criticism of animal skin rugs with grace and humor.  i love you Kim!  there are few others, that are my favs, i will be including a heading on my side bar with my daily reads.

5.  i am changing my use of the social media!  for now. may re-evaluate this decision as time goes on.  things change so quickly, it's hard to keep up.  here's my current plan:

a.  abandoning Art Wanted.  enjoyed while it lasted, but largely a waste of time (for me).

b.  etsy.  also abandoning as a seller, not a buyer.

c.  flickr.  love flickr, but can't afford the fee for a pro membership.  as you know, i've been out of work a long time.  i used to rely on flickr to be my storage option for my photos.  when pro expires, you can only see 200 of your photos, and i have probably 1000.  i find that sad.  what if a person passes?  i like feeling as if i am leaving behind a portrait of me.  that's why i like to blog.  it's self expression.

d.  facebook.  i have recently rethought my use of facebook.  during my crisis, i was able to keep in touch with people who worried about me.  i used facebook to update those i love regarding my condition, but also as a means of expressing my humor and desire to stay positive. this was very helpful in that my sister-in-law is an extremely busy professional who travels a lot.   in  the past i was annoyed at people who posted too much.  no longer.  i get it.  facebook is not some evil entity.  it is completely neutral.  it is all in how you use it.    it can be a marvelous tool.  i did not feel alone during my crisis.  i do need to work on balance and conserving my energy so will need to unplug from time to time.  blogging can be a 24/7 job.

i am toying with the idea of opening my facebook to the public, although i am still a little scared.  my two loyal readers (ha! joking) know that when i am having a bad flare up i don't blog for long periods of time.  opening up my facebook allows those readers the opportunity to see what's going on.  please send a friend request, if you'd like.  please note, however, for the time being i won't accept friends who appear to be violent.  please send a message with your request explaining why you'd like to be friends.  i look forward to hearing from you!

e.  pinterest.  i know ya'll miss my fabulous fashion, color and decor posts when i am ill. so you can also check in on pinterest.  it's easy and fun. they now include the sources of the images, which was my main criticism of them. also i have been experimenting with image searches in Google+, pretty amazing stuff.  don't fully understand yet, but working on it.  it always important to me to give artists credit. making art is hard work. artists deserve to make a living just like everyone else.  and thank god for artists, they make the world a better place.

f.  replies to commentors.  working on learning a more efficient way to do this.  i respond on the blog, but am not sure commentors see my response. jessie published detailed instructions on this topic, i just haven't had time to review them.  thanks jessie!

one thing about blogging, i learn every day. and the more i learn, the more i realize i don't know. when i first thought of starting a blog, i complained to my good friend, Nate, that i didn't know enough to blog yet.  he told me "let the people see you learn."  best advice i've  ever received.  you gotta dive in, if you wait for perfection, you'll never dive in. as you know, i've been giving up my perfectionist tendencies.  the journey is more important than the goal.  when i started blogging, i didn't know what i was doing (and still don't).  i just knew i was giving away too much for free with leaving comments on other blogs and i fervently desired a vehicle for self-expression.  blogging does that for me.  if someone notices me, or likes what i've written, great. but that's not why i do it.  i was pleasantly surprised that people all over the world commented about my art.  it's also okay if no one notices, after reading Rilke, i do it for me.  because i have to.  the first time in my life that i've been in total control.  i thank god for the marvelous technology that has allowed me to participate in the world.  i even had a voice in politics over the last several years.  something i never had in the past.

if you've read this long boring post, i thank you for your time and support!  please contact me if there is anything you'd like to see on this blog.  in addition, please forgive me that my portfolio is woefully behind and needs lots of work.  i made the mistake of relying on flickr for my online portfolio.  make no mistake, i adore flickr, just can't afford it.  i believe it should be free like facebook.

i am trying to put my house in order, not because i think it is my time, but for my own freedom and well being.  i finally understand forgiveness!  it's for me, not the person who supposedly hurt me.  carrying around hatred, anger, jealousy, resentment, etc. hurts us.  not the perp.  as you know, i am an advocate of non-violence, have studied extensively the works of Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Gloria Steinam, Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, Mahatma Gandhi, the Buddha, and a little about Toltec cultures.  i highly recommend The Four Agreements, if you haven't read it already.  this is one of those books you should carry with you at all times.  it's simple, but profound. with concise instructions on how to live your life.  i refuse to harbor hatred, as it is an act of violence.  

my goal in life is to love unconditionally, without judgment.  i have cleaned up a lot of bad blood and feel so much lighter for it.  there is only one left who has broken my heart, that i may not be able to come to peace with.  i may have to come to peace with that i can't come to peace with her.

stay tuned.  i am going to be putting it all out there.  i am longer afraid.  as Milarepa said, "into the mouth of the dragon."  or when you feel as if you are poised at the abyss of insanity - jump. i finally understand surrender.  i am letting go and letting god.  ahh. such a relief that someone else is in charge.  he's my alpha.  i am his conduit to use as he sees fit for the betterment of humanity.  lastly, i hope to do it all with humor and toughen my skin to the haters.  i actually feel compassion with them, and would like to be noble enough to turn the other cheek, as Jesus did.  Janelle Monae has been crucial in helping me understand that it is okay to be fabulous.  see her marvelous video below.  i've watched it 100 times!  singing, clapping and dancing around my apartment like a crazy person.  do i give a shit what people think of me?  no.  i do not.  what freedom.

i love my readers, i hope you will join me for the ride! i promise the next post won't be so much pontificating.  we will have some fun with fashion!  xo

Shout Out!

big shout out to Charles Ramsey, a modern day hero.  i walked to the dollar store today, and studied the poster of a young, lovely missing girl.  i  prayed that she have a Charles Ramsey, just a little quicker.  :)  dear readers, i believe in the power of prayer, so please give a prayer to the lovely young girl who is missing in Akron, Ohio.  sorry, can't remember her name.  i'll update if i remember.

can't believe this happened near where i used to live!  i have friends who know the perps! and chuck, i'm glad you're getting your 15 minutes.  i hope you get major dollar bills out of this.  baby, stay humble and don't get overwhelmed by your sudden fame.

i am going to make Shout Out! a regular feature on my blog.  stay tuned for lots of exciting announcements to come.  so much to tell you.  so little time.  hope you are have a good day like our hero!  xo

Happy Friday!

I had a busy, but good week and have tons of exciting stuff to share.  For now I am going to post quickly and sign out to enjoy the beautiful day with a walk in the park.  I will, of course, have my camera.  I hope you are not reading this, because that means you are not out enjoying the weather - please get your butt out there, smell some dogwood and hug a tree.

Just in case you are stuck inside Spring cleaning, open a window.  Get your broom or your duster and click this link.  Enjoy the artistry of two of my favorite hot mamas.  Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu.  Janelle is smoking hot in this video.  I guarantee you will be singing at the top of your lungs and shaking your bootie.  Don't give a second thought to whether the neighbors think you are crazy.  Even if your bootie is too big (is there really such a thing?) don't worry.  Shaking it is good for your soul.  You know the saying: "Dance like nobody's watching."  You are not crazy, you are fabulous, so get it girl.

This is what I call sexy.  Sexy moves, without being too slutty.  Janelle proves you don't have to be naked to be beautiful.  She's freaking gorgeous.  She's got a smokin' bod, a great bootie and knows how to shake it.  But she reserves the mystery by covering it.  Nothing more sexy than a strong, mysterious woman.  And the music.  Damn.  Smart, sassy lyrics with a dope beat.  Kinda makes me feel the way some of the music by Mary J. Blige, Lauryn Hill or India Arie made me feel.  Empowered.

To Janelle and Erykah, thank you for helping me get my groove on today.  Like you guys say, the bootie don't lie.  To see my previous post regarding Mary J. Blige, click here.  To see my previous post about Erykah Badu, click here and here.

Have a great weekend biotches.  Stay tuned for lots of exciting stuff next week.  xo